Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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