Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
