His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
