im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
