Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
