I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
