Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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