Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
