The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
