I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
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is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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