I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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