His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
