My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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