So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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