There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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