don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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