K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize