Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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