She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
