My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
