Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize