Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
