Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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