I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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