the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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