Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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