he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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