i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i think i have two assholes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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