I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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