WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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