It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
