You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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