She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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