tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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