Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
