I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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