Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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