I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
