dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
