I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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