Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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