I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
