this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
