girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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