I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
