Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
