I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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