cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oh god it's open bar.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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