just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I did not marry a roomba.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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