I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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