your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
