i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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