I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
