Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
no you cant smoke seaweed
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And then the night went full on bisexual.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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