Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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