i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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