Your face is a jimmy john
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
