I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
