I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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