I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
