my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
