it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She bit a glass in half.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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