Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
