I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
