My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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