I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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